On the "Aquapod OR Hellbender" conversation Mssr. Reardon, our brother in fowl, made this statement, "My current marching orders are that no new boats can come into possession unless I give up one of the old ones OR build a new shed so the current "boat shack" can return to use as a garage."
I believe I also read a similar comment in a thread about GHG decoys...... something along the lines of, "....like I need more...."
And it got me to thinking that perchance, particularly for the up and comers among us, some wisdom for the group might be offered.
I am not an advocate of lying and believe that the covenant of marriage is sacred.....
....however, chicanery and gamesmanship are required to make the nuptials blissful for the remainder of one's life....
To wit, keys to a long and happy marriage if you are outdoorsy and the spouse is not so much:
1) "Stash"- THE MOST IMPORTANT: It may not need to be a separate bank account, it could just be a velvet Crown Royal bag in the back of a sock drawer, but there should be a place to squirrel away money where the spouse isn't aware of the balance. A reload-able PrePaid Visa card might be the most convenient. If you are self employed, as I am, I recommend a bank different than your household finances.... very handy.
2) Sources of "Stash"- this might be anything from loose change to skimming a 5-spot off the sale of the old dresser. My personal favorite: when things are in need, like tires for the car, don't shop for the best discount, shop for the best REBATE. Most often the rebate is mailed to you. A $70 visa debit card is HUGE stash. Be creative, you'd be surprised the crazy places you will build stash from.
3) De-centralized storage: sympathetic friends, in-laws, family members and bosses can be strong allies in the storage of things. A couple bags of decoys are necessary to have within grab-n-go distance, it's like a security blanket.... however, physical assets are at risk of being counted, even subconsciously, by a spouse. If you have a trailer you can store someplace else, full of decoys, all the better. Also, rafters and a few other hard to reach places will often suffice. The KEY: if all the goods are in one spot it's easier to see the number of goods growing! Disperse assets.
4) You ALWAYS need more of "The One"!- companies go out of business, they discontinue product lines, they lose distribution, they get purchased by a larger company or private equity group and quality goes to hell. THIS is why, when you hear yourself say, "This is the best (insert product) ever", you go out and buy as many as you can. Happens every time, you'll need another/more the day AFTER they stopped making them. Then you're doomed to pay higher prices on eBay and spend your days searching Craigslist nationally. A prime example: G&H decoys. If you want them, buy all you can now! It's a legacy company that may not have a future in the land of throw away decoys, and if it does, you're darn tootin' the next owner is going to make them cheaper. You found the perfect gun for you: buy two, maybe three. My personal experience, pre-Benelli Franchi's.... wish I would've known then..... :-(
5) Cleaning game BEFORE you get home: I do not advocate breaking laws, but get as much of the game cleaned as legally possible. This goes to #3 and de-centralizing. By not cleaning ALL the birds at home there is less risk of counting. You might be entitled to more by the law, and I would argue that your investment in the pursuit DESERVES more, but for many non-outdoorsy spouses they have an illogical concept called, "Enough".... as in "haven't you shot ENOUGH ducks?". The henchman of Enough is A Lot. If you hear, "that's A Lot of birds....", beware: Enough is likely close by. No tailgate shots, no social media posts... keep the kill counts incognito
6) Plain Sight Strategies (from Garage Logic, Joe Soucheray): A local radio show guy in Minnesota has a show called Garage Logic. The genius of this strategy is to store something in the open for 48 hours and act like you've always had it. I.e. New gun. Put it in an OLD CASE. Bring it upstairs and clean it and lean it somewhere it shouldn't be. The idea is, spouse knows you have guns, but they can't tell one wood stock from the next, and all black synthetic or hydro-dip look the same. By leaving it out in the open you've given an opportunity for dismissal of the new purchase and thwarted the archenemy Enough. Break the logic cycle by doing the opposite of the expected.
7) Sales, trades, etc..... very handy covers. A decoy is a decoy to the non-outdoorsy spouse. So, if some old Flambeaus found their way into your possession, say through a deceased family members estate, and you were interested in some big water divers from the likes of a Pat Gregory, one MIGHT consider "swapping out" a dozen Flambeaus with a local kid to purchase said divers. Obviously, this is a key point for Stash to make an appearance; however, if wife sees the neighbor kid coming over and dropping you $20 for the Flambeaus, which you may tell spouse have a higher Suggested Retail Price but you are helping the kid out, then say, "Oh, hey, I'm going to the trade show Saturday with that $20 and pick-up some different decoys....", well, that just seems reasonable. Guns? See #6- as long as it's an exchange for the same action (pump for pump, auto for auto) you're 90%+ in the clear. But this strategy makes it a plausible play to go with a SxS Fox or Parker in "trade" for the Benelli Nova you won at the DU event. It might be a stretch in the #6 strategy, but #7 makes it a brilliant move.
8) Keep Spouse guessing, happily: in the days leading up to an exchange, clean a bathroom, organize the hall closet, etc. It can't be something Spouse always does that you can screw up. DO NOT do laundry. Ruin one sweater or pair of pants and this strategy is out for at least 3, if not 6 months, and spouse will be on the look out for what else you're screwing up. It should be "thoughtful" and focused on shared benefit.... obviously, a shared benefit more important to Spouse. For me, the three things I can do to help this cause involve Kids, Calendar and House. It doesn't take a lot, and it's things you SHOULD be doing anyway, if you had your priorities straight. But you're a duck hunter and you're faulted. This could also be called, "acting normal". But if you did that you'd be your neighbor, and everyone but people like your neighbor hate your neighbor..... oddly, the "everyone" like you is a minority.
9) Pure intentions: if deployment of these strategies is strictly to lie, cheat, or "get your way", you will be punished by the Almighty, or, you need to reexamine why you're married. These strategies laid forth are for the pure intention of maximizing enjoyment of your under appreciated lifestyle and are in no way offered as a "I'll show you!" or retributive "one up". If you are thinking that way you're better off at a bar with your neighbor whining about what you'd do if you had the character to actually do it. If these strategies are deployed with a pure heart you will receive the sword from the stone.... it won't matter in your relationship because you are wrong to begin with, but it does offer solace.
10) Say "Thank you": The non-outdoorsy spouse provides many things we outdoorsy folks take for granted. Steady income, health insurance, retirement/savings accounts, more living square feet than garage/shed square feet. They're the reason "normal" people invite us places. Definitely, the spouses energies are misguided. The House does NOT need to be kept as clean and orderly as a Camp and dogs SHOULD be allowed inside when wet. Regardless, you need to offer appreciation for what they bring to a broader life view.... without which, you wouldn't be looking for a marsh to escape to, rather, you'd be like your neighbor asking the other neighbors where to put the oil in your lawn mower......
Good luck, shoot straight, and keep dreaming... you might not be as handy as that Sanford fellow but at least you aren't your neighbor
I believe I also read a similar comment in a thread about GHG decoys...... something along the lines of, "....like I need more...."
And it got me to thinking that perchance, particularly for the up and comers among us, some wisdom for the group might be offered.
I am not an advocate of lying and believe that the covenant of marriage is sacred.....
....however, chicanery and gamesmanship are required to make the nuptials blissful for the remainder of one's life....
To wit, keys to a long and happy marriage if you are outdoorsy and the spouse is not so much:
1) "Stash"- THE MOST IMPORTANT: It may not need to be a separate bank account, it could just be a velvet Crown Royal bag in the back of a sock drawer, but there should be a place to squirrel away money where the spouse isn't aware of the balance. A reload-able PrePaid Visa card might be the most convenient. If you are self employed, as I am, I recommend a bank different than your household finances.... very handy.
2) Sources of "Stash"- this might be anything from loose change to skimming a 5-spot off the sale of the old dresser. My personal favorite: when things are in need, like tires for the car, don't shop for the best discount, shop for the best REBATE. Most often the rebate is mailed to you. A $70 visa debit card is HUGE stash. Be creative, you'd be surprised the crazy places you will build stash from.
3) De-centralized storage: sympathetic friends, in-laws, family members and bosses can be strong allies in the storage of things. A couple bags of decoys are necessary to have within grab-n-go distance, it's like a security blanket.... however, physical assets are at risk of being counted, even subconsciously, by a spouse. If you have a trailer you can store someplace else, full of decoys, all the better. Also, rafters and a few other hard to reach places will often suffice. The KEY: if all the goods are in one spot it's easier to see the number of goods growing! Disperse assets.
4) You ALWAYS need more of "The One"!- companies go out of business, they discontinue product lines, they lose distribution, they get purchased by a larger company or private equity group and quality goes to hell. THIS is why, when you hear yourself say, "This is the best (insert product) ever", you go out and buy as many as you can. Happens every time, you'll need another/more the day AFTER they stopped making them. Then you're doomed to pay higher prices on eBay and spend your days searching Craigslist nationally. A prime example: G&H decoys. If you want them, buy all you can now! It's a legacy company that may not have a future in the land of throw away decoys, and if it does, you're darn tootin' the next owner is going to make them cheaper. You found the perfect gun for you: buy two, maybe three. My personal experience, pre-Benelli Franchi's.... wish I would've known then..... :-(
5) Cleaning game BEFORE you get home: I do not advocate breaking laws, but get as much of the game cleaned as legally possible. This goes to #3 and de-centralizing. By not cleaning ALL the birds at home there is less risk of counting. You might be entitled to more by the law, and I would argue that your investment in the pursuit DESERVES more, but for many non-outdoorsy spouses they have an illogical concept called, "Enough".... as in "haven't you shot ENOUGH ducks?". The henchman of Enough is A Lot. If you hear, "that's A Lot of birds....", beware: Enough is likely close by. No tailgate shots, no social media posts... keep the kill counts incognito
6) Plain Sight Strategies (from Garage Logic, Joe Soucheray): A local radio show guy in Minnesota has a show called Garage Logic. The genius of this strategy is to store something in the open for 48 hours and act like you've always had it. I.e. New gun. Put it in an OLD CASE. Bring it upstairs and clean it and lean it somewhere it shouldn't be. The idea is, spouse knows you have guns, but they can't tell one wood stock from the next, and all black synthetic or hydro-dip look the same. By leaving it out in the open you've given an opportunity for dismissal of the new purchase and thwarted the archenemy Enough. Break the logic cycle by doing the opposite of the expected.
7) Sales, trades, etc..... very handy covers. A decoy is a decoy to the non-outdoorsy spouse. So, if some old Flambeaus found their way into your possession, say through a deceased family members estate, and you were interested in some big water divers from the likes of a Pat Gregory, one MIGHT consider "swapping out" a dozen Flambeaus with a local kid to purchase said divers. Obviously, this is a key point for Stash to make an appearance; however, if wife sees the neighbor kid coming over and dropping you $20 for the Flambeaus, which you may tell spouse have a higher Suggested Retail Price but you are helping the kid out, then say, "Oh, hey, I'm going to the trade show Saturday with that $20 and pick-up some different decoys....", well, that just seems reasonable. Guns? See #6- as long as it's an exchange for the same action (pump for pump, auto for auto) you're 90%+ in the clear. But this strategy makes it a plausible play to go with a SxS Fox or Parker in "trade" for the Benelli Nova you won at the DU event. It might be a stretch in the #6 strategy, but #7 makes it a brilliant move.
8) Keep Spouse guessing, happily: in the days leading up to an exchange, clean a bathroom, organize the hall closet, etc. It can't be something Spouse always does that you can screw up. DO NOT do laundry. Ruin one sweater or pair of pants and this strategy is out for at least 3, if not 6 months, and spouse will be on the look out for what else you're screwing up. It should be "thoughtful" and focused on shared benefit.... obviously, a shared benefit more important to Spouse. For me, the three things I can do to help this cause involve Kids, Calendar and House. It doesn't take a lot, and it's things you SHOULD be doing anyway, if you had your priorities straight. But you're a duck hunter and you're faulted. This could also be called, "acting normal". But if you did that you'd be your neighbor, and everyone but people like your neighbor hate your neighbor..... oddly, the "everyone" like you is a minority.
9) Pure intentions: if deployment of these strategies is strictly to lie, cheat, or "get your way", you will be punished by the Almighty, or, you need to reexamine why you're married. These strategies laid forth are for the pure intention of maximizing enjoyment of your under appreciated lifestyle and are in no way offered as a "I'll show you!" or retributive "one up". If you are thinking that way you're better off at a bar with your neighbor whining about what you'd do if you had the character to actually do it. If these strategies are deployed with a pure heart you will receive the sword from the stone.... it won't matter in your relationship because you are wrong to begin with, but it does offer solace.
10) Say "Thank you": The non-outdoorsy spouse provides many things we outdoorsy folks take for granted. Steady income, health insurance, retirement/savings accounts, more living square feet than garage/shed square feet. They're the reason "normal" people invite us places. Definitely, the spouses energies are misguided. The House does NOT need to be kept as clean and orderly as a Camp and dogs SHOULD be allowed inside when wet. Regardless, you need to offer appreciation for what they bring to a broader life view.... without which, you wouldn't be looking for a marsh to escape to, rather, you'd be like your neighbor asking the other neighbors where to put the oil in your lawn mower......
Good luck, shoot straight, and keep dreaming... you might not be as handy as that Sanford fellow but at least you aren't your neighbor
