They walk among us and they vote

Dani

Dani

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They walk among us and they vote –

I walked into a Burger King with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free". She handed me my two free sandwiches, and I walked out the door.
They walk among us and they vote.


One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!"
One of the group looked up at the sky and said, "Where?"
They walk among us and they vote.


I used to work in technical support for a nationwide 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the
call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."
They walk among us and they vote.
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
They walk among us and they vote.

My friends and I were buying cases of soda for a party and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a
big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
They walk among us and they vote.


I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office, and told the woman there that
my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?"
They walk among us and they vote.


While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook
asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They walk among us and they vote.


AND THEY REPRODUCE.!!
 
I was riding down the road with a friend when we passed a deer crossing sign.
She looked at me completely serious and asked
"how do the deer know to cross there?"

Another friend was riding with her mother and sister looking at colleges.
As they passed one of the blue signs with a question mark and an arrow pointing to the next exit
Her mom said "Do they not know what's down there?"

And they're everywhere
 
he said he hoped we see a Bear.....

After five hours of driving we got into the mtn's on a winding two line road....as we approached a hairpin turn we saw a large sign that said...

BEAR LEFT......

He said, "crap", did a U turn and drove home......

Steve
 
In the days before modern hospitals ( no emergency rooms) My uncle who was a dedicated Muskey fisherman had gotten a large muskey plug in his head.( bad cast by his partner)The entrance to to hospital had long steps to clime ( no many heart patients lived in those days) After getting to the receptionist desk and ringing the bell waiting ten minutes for the receptionist. She gave my uncle and his wife about ten sheets of papers to fill out, which they did and then waited another twenty minutes. The receptionist finally came back, Looked at my uncle and said "What are you in here for" My uncle in his younger days not known for being patient or passive. Exclaimed " Lady this isn't a *@!&^* &*^$% hat I'm wearing

They walk among us.
 
in a blind goose hunting with a buddy from High School. Birds weren't flying that day, and he turned to me and said, "Maybe the birds can smell us!!........"

This fellow works in the judicial system now.....

Steve
 
And asks "how much for a 2x4x8?" I tell him $2.79....he says "each?"

next guy walks in and asks "how much are 2x4's" I ask "what length" he says "I don't care" I said "I don't either".

A lady calls and asks how much 7/16 osb is I tell her 7.59 cash and carry..she says is that delivered?
 
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This fellow works in the judicial system now.....
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Steve,

I'm just glad that your buddy went the judicial route and that you went into medicine. I can usually manage to stay on the good side of the law but I occasionally need the services of a doctor. :>)
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Thanks Dani.

The first one reminded me of something that happened in Fuquay-Varina NC a few years ago at the Burger King just off the Interstate. ( Fyou Kway Var eena)

This gentleman from up Nawth asked the Manager to pronounce where they were. The manager very slowly and succintley said " Bur Ger King".

Bet he'd been voting all of his life too.

Thanks for the chuckles,

Harry
 
Don't care to comment about voteing but have I got some stories. I'm the returns processor at a major outdoor retailer. All the returns from customer services come to me for processing. They end up either back to stock, at our bargain outlet, back to the manufacturer or trashed. There is a copy of the return slip with them that has the reason the customer used to return the item with it. The first sign of spring is wader boots, the kind for stocking foot waders, comeing back because they leak. I once had 2 absolutely cherry gamo air rifles in .22 calibre returned Because " manufacturer defect, barrels drilled wrong, pellets fall through" In the box with one of the rifles was a box of .177 calibre pellets., Like I said I don't care to comment about voteing but these people are in the woods, in the marsh or on the water with US! Often ARMED! This one tickled my funny bone. "Treestand unstable, fell out of tree, twice." I've got more but I'll save'em for later.
 
Dani and most are voting for Obama and thats really Scary
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HAH!!!! And WHHHYYYY would anyone think I would vote for Obama? I agree that it's really scary tho
 
My wife's college room mate graduated with honors from a large university with THREE degrees simultaneously - Math, English and Electrical Engineering. During her senior year, she was traveling on the interstate and got a flat on the driver side rear tire. She pulled over on the right side of the highway and pondered the condition. She got out her jack and commenced to change the flat for the spare. When the highway patrol officer pulled over, he asked her why she jacked up the PASSENGER side rear of the car when the flat was on the Drivers side. She calmly explained that she put the jack on that side so she wouldn't get hit by traffic!! Sometimes thinking too much just won't get the job done!

Tom
 
A few years back my fiance's family had got a new 50 inch widscreen tv. We were all watching the movie ( the quick and the dead) when out of here mouth comes" I glade we got this wid screen tv, now we can see both ends of the gun fight!

LOL

got to love her for that!

Mike
 
Dani,
Way too funny......and true.

Couple years ago I was at a Meijer store buying some Aquavac Goose Decoys. There are 6 to a box so I figured I'd buy just one box. When I took it up to the counter, the lady scanned it and said "...that'll be $8.00 ". I tried to correct her that there are 6 in the box and that would have been the cost of ONE decoy, not the case. She rescanned it and said, again......"...nope, it's $8.00 for the case". So.......I bought 4 cases. Go figure. True story.
Lou
 
Several years ago, I had a customer from NY buy & pick up one of our South Bay Scooters. We always supply an adjustable drain plug for the boats. 2 months later I was talking with him and asked how he liked the boat. He said he loved it but in the future, I needed to supply a drain plug that would fit. He stated that he had to go our and buy a new plug. That's when I ....again......stated that it was an ADJUSTABLE DRAIN PLUG. That's when it finally hit him. ".....here's your sign".
Lou


www.lockstockbarrell.com
 
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I have heard some good ones over the years. One of the better ones concerned 3M's 5200 Urethane adhesive. Seems some boatbuilders were on a drinking binge on night after work. One proceeds to pass out. Buddies thought it would be funny to 5200 his boat shoes to his feet. Guy wakes up the next morning and realized he can't remove his shoes. Buddies are cracking up on the side until they realize he really can't remove his shoes.

Call comes into St. Paul from concerned buddies asking how to best get the shoes "unglued" After the laughter in the lab dies down, there are informed that there is nothign to remove the 5200, the shoes will just have to come off over time as the skin dies. Buddies ask if it would be OK to just cut the shoes off? You could here the guy with the stuck shoes screaming that there is no way he is going to allow his "buddies" to cut off the shoes around his toes and everywhere.

Took over 3 weeks for the shoes to come off.

As Dani said, the live among us and they vote.

Mark W
 
HAHAHAHAHA I wasn't aware that my 'dark secret' was known to the world. I'm a closet anti-American, anti 2nd Amendmenter...whoooo glad that's out in the open. I was beginning to lose sleep over that being hidden from the world. Who knows, I may be on the candidates list for VP. I bet THAT would be scary...

But in an effort to be compliant in todays politically correct society, and I should aspire to that what with all the extra training that I have been required to attend regarding political correctness, I will strive to remember to preface every email/joke I post and to add a disclaimer to the end, so as not to offend the populace.
 
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I hate political correctness! It is rapidly reducing the vocabulary of our world because a few people have such low self esteem and intolerance that someone may accurately describe them. You can buff a pile of shit till you can see yourself in it,but I still wouldn't want it on my dinner plate.
 
I was on jury duty this week when the judge was explaining that you had to be a resident of our county to serve. One guy raised his hand and ask " Where does the county line end?" The judge responded " At the county line."
 
This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was
transcribed
>from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
>
>
>Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is
>currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without
>Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer
>
>Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations)
>starts here:
>
>
>Employee--"Rich Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
>
>Customer--"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
>
>
>Employee--"What sort of trouble?"
>Customer--"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
>went away."
>
>
>Employee--"Went away?"
>Customer--"They disappeared."
>
>
>Employee--"Hmmm So what does your screen look like now?"
>Customer--"Nothing."
>
>
>Employee--"Nothing?"
>Customer--"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
>
>
>Employee--"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
>Customer--"How do I tell?"
>
>
>Employee--"Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"
>Customer--"What is a sea prompt?"
>
>
>Employee--"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
>Customer--"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything
>I type."
>
>
>Employee--"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
>Customer--"What's a monitor?"
>
>
>Employee--"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
>Does it have little light that tells you when it's on?"
>Customer--"I don't know"
>
>
>Employee--"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
>the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
>Customer--"Yes, I think so."
>
>
>Employee--"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
>plugged into the wall."
>Customer--"Yes, it is."
>
>
>Employee--"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there
>were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
>Customer--"No."
>
>
>Employee--"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
>find the other cable."
>Customer--"Okay, here it is."
>
>
>Employee--"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
>the back of your computer."
>Customer--"I can't reach."
>
>
>Employee--"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
>Customer--"No."
>
>
>Employee--"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
>over?"
>Customer--"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's
>because it's dark."
>
>
>Empployee--"Dark?"
>Customer--"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
>coming in from the window."
>
>
>Employee--"Well, turn on the office light then."
>Customer--"I can't."
>
>
>Employee--"No? Why not?"
>Customer--"Because there's a power failure."
>
>
>Employee--"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it
>licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff
>your computer came in?"
>Customer--"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>
>
>Employee--"Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
>just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
>bought it from".
>
>Customer--"Really? Is it that bad?"
>
>
>Employee--"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>Customer--"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
>
>
>Employee--"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer...
>
The walk among us and vote!
 
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