....Speaking of a more balanced tradition in waterfowl journalism and taking the opportunity to weave a lesson into a story on the "wrongness" of rationalizing a lack of ethics.... Well, let's just say that I think Joe is at his best in this segment of his story and lends support to Uncle Mike's point about what's changed.
My failure to bag any ducks was becoming a real concern to Bobby Frizzel and the whole contest committee. And I was getting a bit self-conscious about the matter myself; for when other folks start sympathizing with you, the pressure is on. Over the years, I have found I can do a credible job of hitting ducks on the creeks and ponds of Ohio, but as any hunter knows, it is an entirely different matter when you must play the other fellow’s game on his field. I have been dazzled by sea ducks with their lightning speed and ability to fly through clouds of chilled shot, while the baymen dropped these tricky targets all around me. The same goes for geese, divers, or puddle ducks. You perform best at what you are accustomed to. I am not accustomed to mallards trying to light on my head. Where do you aim at a duck that is dropping right out of the sky at your brisket? Everyone knows that you hold under him, but have you ever tried to crank down your barrel faster than a duck can drop? Such awkward moments give you something to think about as you bed down. Tomorrow, the pressure would be on again….
At 4 A.M. I received that same obscene phone call from the desk.
“4 A.M.? You’re kidding! Maybe I can slip a note under the door and tell them I’ve come down with tennis-elbow and football-knee. Naw, that wouldn’t work. They have pass keys for late sleepers and malingerers!”
A peek outside reveals Bobby Frizzel standing in the light from the office. “When does he sleep!?”, I wonder.
Dragging waders, shotgun, and shells down the steps and out to where Bobby stands has used up most of my recharge.
“Joe, you’re going to Bear Bayou with this fellow!”
Sure enough, Bear Bayou came equipped with two professional guides to lead us to the Promised Land. The ad read: “Bear Bayou Duck Hunting Club – 29th year in business; Flooded pin-oak flats; clubhouse sleeps 25; experienced guides; morning hunts only; guaranteed water- no guaranteed ducks; $120 per day/ per person (guided hunt – room and board). Require ½ down—non-refundable. Owners, Bill and Beth Marks, Reydell, Ark. 72144.” They add one friendly word for dog lovers: – “Dogs allowed, but cost the same as an individual hunter!” It seems that Bill and Beth would just as soon you leave ‘Buster’ at home.
The snow was gone, and it gave every indication of being a bluebird day when we pulled into the Bear Bayou parking lot. I saw nothing that even hinted at a duck club, other than parked cars and vans lined up in a row and a couple of john-boats which had seen better days. We loaded our gear into one of the boats and made ready to venture into the darkness, when something that sounded like an airboat approached, flashing its blinding light in our eyes. Instead of an airboat, we made out a 20 ft., flat-bottomed john with a big 75 hp. motor mounted on the transom and a madman at the controls. He had to have been doing at least 45 mph in the narrow tunnel cut through the trees
“Load your gear in here,“ said the little bull of a man steering this speedboat. And, like so many sheep, we did as ordered. Now, I’ve had some boat rides in my years of chasing ducks. “Cigar” Daisey and Bob Franta have damn near killed me a time or two, but never have I been so terrified that I was afraid to look ahead for the fate awaiting me – that is, until madman Bill Marks opened up that big 75 hp. and ran us down the mile-long tunnel through the trees in the dead of night. I just knew that one sunken log, or “sleeper,” would rocket us through the leafy roof of our tunnel and into orbit. I held my hat on with both hands and wished I had thought to zip my coat, because the frigid blast ripped through my woolies and into my vitals like a knife. Lee LeBlanc, wildlife artist and fellow-judge for the World Championship, sat next to me managing a weak grin, but I felt sure he was thinking - as was I - of the newspaper report of our sudden demise: “Duck Hunters Found Impaled in Trees!”
Whatever he former record between parking lot and clubhouse may have been, we broke it with room to spare. Never have I seen a group of men so happy to take shore leave! A quarter-mile walk down a dark trail led us to what looked like a huge houseboat floating in the water, complete with a gangplank leading to its back door. The Bear Bayou clubhouse is built on stilts and “floats” majestically above the surrounding water. Bear Bayou could cure a sleep-walker in one night. Inside, we found a dozen hunters finishing their breakfast, and heard the welcome words, “Help your-self to the coffee.” Introductions all around revealed that Lee and I were the only judges present - and also the only Yankees. The rest were guides and Texans. I had hardly made friends with my coffee when Bill Marks said,” Lee, you come with me; Joe, you go with Archie.”
Archie stuck out a big paw and claimed me for his group of hunters. “Finish your coffee, Joe. We’ve got plenty of time. We’re only going 150 yards out into the woods.”
The Texans all looked me over quizzically, and finally one asked, “How long yew been growin’ that beard?” Which was soon followed by, “Yew know Sam Schmuck (I didn’t really catch the name, and it didn’t matter) down by Marshall, Texas? Naow that boy is a real decoy carver!” Ah, Texans…
When we were ready, Archie led us Indian file for the 150 yards through the flooded timber to a large opening littered with the kind of decoy rig I had come to expect. While I gazed on this sad state of the art, Archie set about assigning each hunter to his station – a tree, against which he must snuggle in the dark. My tree was half the size of the others, but I had a nice, clean shot at the open area, so I was happy with Archie’s assignment; and was happier, still, when he chose to stand about five yards behind me. I have yet to meet a guide or punter who didn’t save the best spot for himself. I tried to assess the range to the top of a large tree on the other side of the hole, and decided I couldn’t kill a duck clean at such a distance, even though I stood closest to the decoys. While it was still too dark to clearly make out our surroundings, we listened to the night music nature provided. Archie’s last words of caution sounded like an echo of every Lake Erie punter and professional guide that I have ever known: “Keep your faces hid as best you can, and remember, I call the shots!” With that, he warmed up his duck call, a clear plastic model that sounded as much like a hen “Susie” as any I’ve ever heard. Archie might not have been a World Champion, but here, in this green timber, he sure as hell sounded like he ought to be.
He had hardly gotten his reed wet before the ducks started working the opening in the trees high above our heads. Pairs pitched in without so much as a go-around and sat looking at me eye-to-eye before deciding to beat a hasty retreat. Shooting from one of the other groups announced the legal hour, and immediately cleared the area of the flights that had been spinning above us. Archie began to get serious now, and called a pleading refrain that turned a flock of thirty mallards our way. In spite of gunfire all around us, Archie managed to keep them on the hook, and soon had them down to tree top height, ready to drop their flaps. Down they came, wings cupped, feet reaching for the water – truly as beautiful a sight as a duck hunter could ask for. That is, until the first members of the group touched the water.
“Take ‘em!” yelled Archie, and all hell broke loose as six shotguns cut down on the thirty mallards, catching them without enough momentum to escape. It literally rained mallards for the next ten seconds, but I had waited for more of a target.
I had seen a big drake hanging above the decoys, trying to catch some air under his wings, and leveled him with my first shot, which immediately sprang another big drake into the air. The second drake was on his way to a clean getaway until my front bead caught up with him about three-fourths of the way to that big tree across from me. He dropped, stone dead, and then everything was quiet. Two cripples had to be dispatched, but the rest had an instant death. Archie even dropped his top-sergeant pose long enough to say, “I’m proud of ya, boys!” We gathered the ducks up on a half-sunken log pile, and found that some Green Wing Teal had gotten caught in our crossfire. One of the Texans had tried to pull off a head-shot on a drake at point-blank range, and had waited a split second too long before squeezing off the shot. The result was that he damn near blew it in half and ruined the duck for the dinner table. More importantly, he had been shooting head-high in our direction when he perpetrated this bullshit. Archie and I exchanged glances; wordlessly passing the message, “We’d better keep an eye on these knotheads!”
With order restored, we each returned to our trees, and Archie resumed working his call. Within a few minutes he had about fifty mallards working overhead, but these ducks were not going to be fooled as easily as the others had been, and I suspected a few might be carrying shot in their rumps. Finally, Archie sold them the story; however, one of our Texas friends noticed a low flier and decided one duck is much better than a whole flock. His early shot miraculously freed us of all those big old mallards. We were able to spend the next half-hour waiting while this one lone duck, which had only been wing tipped, was run down. After sufficient gunfire and chasing had finally brought the swimmer to bag, our guide expressed his displeasure with such antics.
“Are we going to shoot some ducks fellows, or are we just going to mess around?” he grumbled. Archie would have made a great “First Sergeant.”
It was light now, and we had lost the advantage of the shadows that hid our silhouettes. Mallards are neither very bright, nor are they suicidal, either. So Archie was having a tougher time convincing them that he was just a lonesome hen down here among all these hunters looking up and moving about.
The straw that finally broke Archie’s back was when a magnificent ten-point buck came splashing through the water within 30 steps of our positions. One of the Texans raised his shotgun and held it on the deer. “Don’t shoot it,” warned Archie.... “I said, don’t you shoot it!”
“Did you say, ‘Shoot it’?” asked the Texan, without lowering his gun.
Fuming now, Archie replied in a voice loud enough to send the big buck splashing on his way, “You know damned well what I said! Don’t try and kill that deer!”
“That’s the first one I ever let get away, “ laughed the Texan, and his pals all joined in agreeing that he was indeed a great deer slayer.
Bothered by all this, in addition to the prior display of unsafe shooting, I asked “Besides not having a tag, just what did you plan on dropping that buck with? You aren’t shooting slugs or buckshot at these ducks. Are you?”
The Texan just looked at me like I was crazy and laughed, “Hell no, but I could’ve dropped him with a load of 3-inch sixes.”
Archie turned the air blue as he reeled off a half-dozen reasons why the Texan could have been arrested, but it all seemed to fall on deaf ears. Our hunt was over. Archie loaded the ducks in his wire carriers and we started walking back to the clubhouse
Before I left Bear Bayou, Bill Marks gave me two limits of mallards for Lee LeBlanc and myself, in spite of my objections, and Archie looked me up to shake my hand and tell me, “You’re the best tree-hugger I’ve ever hunted with. Make sure you come back next year.” Flattered no-end, I thanked him; and, looking around to see if the coast was clear, I asked him, “Archie, will you tell me something?” Why does Bill Marks give all the hunters that wild boat ride in the dark just to take them to the clubhouse?”
Archie looked at me and started to answer, but he burst into laughter and was still laughing when he waved goodbye. As Bill opened up that big 75 horsepower, I just closed my eyes tight and grabbed hold of my hat with both hands.
….to be continued